If you are parent of a toddler, you probably know why I used the word Torture and hilarious in the same line to describe your state of being.
For parenting a toddler is like a comedy of errors and a paradox where the good and the bad live coupled together. One moment you experience terrestrial highs of joy and gratification while other brings with them depressive lows that make you wonder if you would even be able to make through the day.’
But since every dark cloud has a silver lining, you can count on these experiences to teach you an important life lesson and though you may wish to forget the tortures you are going through right now, you would always remember the lessons they taught you. Here are 15 most common parenting tortures every parents goes through and the lessons they learn through them:
1. Time Management :
The most common way kids torture parents is by taking up all their time(including sleeping hours).You only get one happy hour each day during her afternoon nap but that’s enough. With the super powers of a magical Jeanie, you manage to complete all your pending days work, house hold chores, reply to emails, phone calls not to mention take a shower in those 60 minutes making it the most productive 60 minutes of your day.
2. Creativity works better than intelligence:
You put off all the lights, put on the expensive rotating musical projector and lay dead barely breathing scared not to make a noise but nothing seems to put her to sleep. Finally you sing the silliest parody taking names of all the animals you read in her animal book and lo she is fast asleep.
3. Beauty in Simplicity:
After spending the last 40 minutes matching her pink sandals to the cream sweater and checkered hairband you realize if you don’t leave the house now, you would never make it. You take one look at the mirror and the image that reflects back resembles that of a poor tortured nanny of your little princesses (which is not very far from the truth). You shrug your shoulders and mentally remind yourself, makeup is all fake, real beauty is in simplicity and dash out.
4. Keep calm and stay cool, cool as a cucumber:
You make blueberry pancakes, creamy pasta and heavenly veggie soup and serve all three one by one hoping her palette would fancy atleast one but while you wait like a waitress beside the table she mixes all three and then drops the bowl on the floor. You take a final look at your full days hard work lying on the ground and move on to offer her chips , coke and cookies.
5. Never give up:
She turns her head away and refuses to even acknowledge your attempts to teach her the alphabets as she twitches nonchalantly on her favorite bunny’s ears. Even after all your cajoling, bribes and threats you still fail to get her attention.
6. Resource management :
She spills the pasta sauce you had so diligently prepared and accidentally sprinkles pepper over the cheesecake pudding batter ruining your preparations for tonight’s dinner.You are tempted to get mad but remind yourself that you still need food for guests tonight. You take out the frozen Pizzas from the freezer and change the dinner theme and to pizza, fries, popcorn and coke and everything else you could find in the food closet. Flexibility, oh that’s new on the menu!
7. Variety is the spice of life:
8. All good things take time:
You do understand the battle is not won yet, you have to keep that precious bite from being thrown out in (projectile motion) back at either her clothes, the carpet or yours.
9. Patience, patience and more of it:
10. The grown up thing:
Pee, Puke, poo you are scared of neither now, nor do you find it nauseating. In fact you can discuss the topic in detail describing different colors and smells associated with different symptoms and no you don’t find it preposterous to be discussing this on a lunch out with friends. Its a grown up thing you know!
11. Exercise is healthy and weight training even better:
Its a great day, you decide to explore the newly opened shopping mall and don your best dress and matching high heels. You arrive at the mall and are just starting with the first shop when your little one suddenly becomes inconsolable and needs you to carry him to keep calm.
12. The best way to detox your body is to fast:
You run a mini marathon in the house running after her to finish her dinner and wait patiently silencing your growling stomach as you sing lullaby’s to put her to sleep. Just when you think she is fast asleep, she opens her eyes and asks you to repeat the story you had already narrated thrice. You fall asleep midway and next morning convince yourself that a little fasting is great for losing weight.
13. Boasting is no good especially if its about things you have no control over:
14. Panic , what’s that?
You open the bathroom door after taking a shower and the room and the rest of the house looks like it has just gone through a police raid, all the cupboards are open, drawers out, books on the floor and freshly cleaned and ironed clothes mingling with the yogurt and smoothie mix. You evaluate the damage (and the time it will take to rectify it) and move on to dry your hair. So much so for panic attacks.
15. Everything that goes, comes back:
She roll over on the floor in front of the candy shop and refuses to get up.Remember the time when you raised your eyebrows on the other ‘incapable parents’ who couldn’t manage their kids and failed to have taught them any manners. Well, no lesson in that, it’s just the cycle of karma getting back at you!
If you know a parent who is in the same boat, do share this article with him and spread a smile.